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Once a year we celebrate

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With stupid hats and plastic plates

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The fact that you were able to make

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Another trip around the sun

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And the whole clan gathers round

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And gifts and laughter do abound

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And we let out a joyful sound

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And sing that stupid song

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Happy birthday!  Now you're one year older!

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Happy birthday!  Your life still isn't over!

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Happy birthday!  You did not accomplish much

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But you didn't die this year

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I guess that's good enough

 

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So let's drink to your fading health

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And hope you don't remind yourself

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The chance of finding fame and wealth

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Decrease with every year

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Does it feel like you're doing laps

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And eating food and taking naps

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And hoping that someday perhaps

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Your life will hold some cheer


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Happy birthday!  What have you done that matters?

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Happy birthday!  You're starting to get fatter

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Happy birthday!  It's downhill from now on

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Try not to remind yourself

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Your best years are all gone

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If cryogenics were all free

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Then you could live like Walt Disney

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And live for all eternity

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Inside a block of ice

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But instead your time is set

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This is the only life you get

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And though it hasn't ended yet
    
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Sometimes you wish it might

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Happy birthday!  You wish you had more money

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Happy birthday!  Your life's so sad it's funny

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Happy birthday!  How much more can you take?

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But your friends are hungry

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So just cut the stupid cake

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Happy birthday!  Happy birthday!
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Happy birthday, dear...