• Song:

    Albuquerque

  • Artist:

    Weird Al Yankovic

Band:     Weird Al Yankovic
Song:       Albuquerque

Chords:
F	133211
B	113331
Fm7	131111
Bm7	113121

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                                                       F F
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the
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stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the 
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street from Jerry?s Bait Shop? You know the place? Well anyway, back then 
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life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy? except of course 
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for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make me 
                                F F                       F  F   
a big old bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. Daaaaaaaouh! Big bowl of 
 F    F 
sauerkraut!
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D---------------| Every single morning! It was driving me crazy. I said to 
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my mom, I said, ?Hey mom, what?s up with all the sauerkraut?? And my dear 
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sweet mother she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. 
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And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, ?It?s good for you!? 
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        And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth 
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and force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty-six and a half 
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years old. That?s when I swore that someday, someday I would get out of 
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that basement and travel to a magical far away place where the sun is 
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always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are 
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oh so fluffy, where the shriners and the lepers play their ukulele?s all 
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day long and anyone on the street?ll gladly shave you?re back for a 
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nickel. Wakawakadoodoo yah! Well let me tell you people, that it wasn?t 
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long at all before my dream came true because the very next day a local 
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radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number 
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of molecules in Leonard Neroy?s butt. I was off by three but I still won
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the grand prize. That?s right a first class one-way ticket, to 
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A     -    lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! Ah yah, you know I never 
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been on a real airplane before and I gotta tell ya it was really great.
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Except that I had to ist between two large Albanian women with 
                                        F F
excruciatingly severe body odour and the little kid in back of me kept 
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throwing up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper 
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and salted peanuts and the in flight movie was "Biodome" with Polly Shore.
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And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we went into a
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tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant 
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fireball and everybody died! Except for me. You know why? ?Cause I had my 
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train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position, had my 
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train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position, had my
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train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position. Ah ha ha 
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ha! Oh ha ha! Ahhhh. So I crawled from the twisted burnin? wreckage, I 
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crawled on my hands and knees for three full days, dragging along my big 
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leather suitcase, and my garment bag, and my tenor saxophone, and my
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twelve-pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow in the dark 
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snorkel. But finally a arrived at the world famous ?Albuquerque Holiday
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Inn?, where the towels are oh so fluffy, and you could eat you?re soup 
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right out of the ashtrays if you wanna, it?s OK their clean. Well I 
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checked into my room and I turned down the AC and I turned on the spectro
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vision and I was just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow 
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that I love so very very much when suddenly there?s a knock on the door. 

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Well now who could that be? I say, ?who is it?? No answer. ?Who is it??
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There?s no answer. ?Who is it!?? They?re not saying anything, so finally I 
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go over and I open the door and just as I suspected, it?s some big fat 
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hermaphrodite with a flock of seagull?s haircut and only one nostril. Oh
        F F                                 F                       B
man I hate it when I?m right. So anyway he burst into my room and grabbes 
          
my lucky snorkel and I?m like ?hey, you can?t have that! That snorkel has
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been just like a snorkel to me.? And he?s like ?tough? And I?m like ?give
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it.? And he?s like ?make me.? And I?m like ?k.? So I grabbed his leg and 
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he grabbed my oesophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my 
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eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a valonic irrigation 
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yes indeed you better believe it. And somehow in the middle of it all the 
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phone got knocked off the hook, and twenty seconds later I heard a 
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familiar voice, and you know what it said, I?ll tell you what it said, it 
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said, ?if you?d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you
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need help hang up and then dial you?re operator. If you?d like to make a 
 B      B     B   F       F    B        F        F        B        B     
call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial
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you?re operator. In A     -    lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! Well 
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to cut a long story short he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemn 
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vow right then and there that I would rest, I would not sleep for an 
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instant until the one-nostriled man was brought to justice. But first I 
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decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car and drove over to the donut
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shop and I walked right up to the guy behind the counter and he says ?yah,

wadaya want??
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I said, ? you got any glazed donuts?? He said, ?naaa were all out of 
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glazed donuts.? I said, ?well you got any jelly donuts?? He said, ?naaa 
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were all out of jelly donuts.? I said, ?you got any Bavarian cream-filled 
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donuts?? He said, ?naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts.? I 

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said, ?you got any cinnamon rolls?? He said, ?naaa were all out of 
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cinnamon rolls.? I said, ?you got any apple fritters!?? He said, ?naaa 
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were out of apple fritters.? I said, ?you got any bear claws!!?? He said, 

?wait a minute, I?ll go check. 

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Naaa were out of bear claws.? I said, ?well in that case, in that case 
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what do you have?? He said, ?all I?ve got right now is this box of one 
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dozen starving crazed weasels.?G------| I said, ?OK I?ll take that.? So he
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hands over the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and they 
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immediately latch onto my face and start biting me all over ayiyi 
                                              F F                     F F
yiyiyiyi. Oh, oh man they were just going nuts! Their terin? me apart. You
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know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started goin?
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through my head. I believe it went a little something like this. 
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?Doooohgetemoffmegettemoffmeooogetemoffgettemoffoooohgetoooohgeooohoooahhh
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hohhhiahhooohahahahhhohhhhh!? I ran out onto the street with these flesh 
       F F                                                   F F
eating weasels all over my face, waiving my arms all around and just 
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runnin? and runnin? and runnin? like a constipated wiener dog. And as luck 
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would have it, that?s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams, her
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name was Zelda. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite 
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and hair the colour of strange peaches. I?ll never forget the very first 
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thing she said to me, she said, ?hey, you got weasels on your face.? 

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That?s when I knew it was true love, we were inseparable after that, oh we 
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ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-
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flavoured dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got married and 
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we bought us a house and had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and 
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Superfly. Oh we were so very very very happy, oh ya. But then one fateful 

night Zelda said to me, she said, ?Sweetie-pumpkin, do you want to join 
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the Columbia Record Club??          I said, ?Wooooah hold on now baby, I?m 
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just not ready for that kind of a commitment.? So we broke up and I never 
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saw her again but that?s just the way things go, . In A     -    
    F     B   F Fm7 B Bm7   F
lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! 

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Anyway then things really started looking up for me, because about a week 
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later I finally achieved my life-long dream. That?s right I got me a part 
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time job at the ?Sizzler.? I even made employee-of-the-month after I put 
                            F F
out that grease-fire with my face. Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of me 
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after that. I was getting lota attitude. OK like one time, I was out in 
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the parking lot trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil, when 
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I see this guy Marty tryin? to carry a big old sofa up the stairs all by 
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himself. So I-I say to him, I say, ?hey, you want me to help you with 
    F F                                        F F
that? And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes, ?nooooo I want you to cut 
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off my arms and legs with a chain saw.? So I did. And then he gets all 
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indignant on me, he?s like, ?hey mad I was just being sarcastic.? Well
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that?s just great, how was I supposed to know that? I?m not a mind reader
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for crying out loud. Besides now he?s got a really cute nickname ?Torso 
 
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Boy?. D-------------------------------------------------------15-| So 
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what?s he complaining about? Say that reminds me of another amusing
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anecdote; this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me he hasn?t had
                         F F      
a bite in three days. Well I knew what he meant but just to be funny I
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took a big bite out of his jugular vein, and he?s yelling and screaming
      B
and bleeding all over and I?m like, ?hey come on don?t you get it?? But he
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just kept rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming, YAHHHH! 
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OHHHH! AHHHH! And I?m completely missing the irony of the whole situation, 
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man some people just can?t take a joke you know? Anyway, um? um? where was 
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I? Kinda lost my train of thought. Oh, uh, well oh okay anyway I know it?s 
                                F F
a roundabout way of saying it but I guess the whole point I?m trying to 
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make is, I, HATE, SAURKROUT! That?s all I?m really trying to say, and by 
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the way if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an 
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exsulstential quandary full of woeing and self doubt and wrapped with the 
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pain and isolation of you?re pitiful meaningless existence, at least even
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take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this 
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crazy old mixed up universe of ours, there?s still a little place, called 
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A     - lbuquerque,   A     -     lbuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
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Albuquerque, I say  A, A, L, L, B, B, U, U? QUERQUE! QUERQUE!           
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Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, 
B   B        F   F        B   B        F   F        B   B
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, 
F   F        B   B        F   F        B   B        F   F    
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,
B   B        F   
Albuquerque, Albuquerque,

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                           (Belch)
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