DOWN TO THE OLD PUB INSTEAD
STEPHEN LYNCH

Verse: G D C D
Chorus: Em C G D C D G

[G]Lad, it's your duty to [D]find ye a lass
With [C]child-bearing hips and a [D]pink, supple ass
And [G]make her your wife and [D]love her with [C]love so [D]true
Now some [G]rivers run high, some [D]rivers run low
When her [C]river runs red, then she's [D]starting her flow
And it's [G]called menstr'ation, and [D]here's what it 
[C]means to [D]you

You will [Em]notice her bloomers are [C]spotty at first
Stand [G]back -- her ovarian [D]dam's gonna burst
Son, [Em]don't be afraid, it's a [C]natural t'ing
Just [G]wad up some cotton and [D]hand her some string
[C]Put the old linens on top of the bed
Get [C]out of the house and go [D]down to the [G]old pub 
ins[D]tead[C] [D]

She'll [G]retain her water, her [D]breasts will be tender
And [C]every third word that you [D]say will offend her
Get [G]out of the house and go [D]down to the old pub [C]instead [D]
And she'll [G]want to make love -- if you [D]do, you're a fool
'Cause you'll [C]only end up with a [D]bloody O'Toole
Get [G]out of the house ? [D]down to the old pub [C]instead[D]

And she'll [Em]want you to sample the [C]fruit of her loins
But [G]son, it'll taste like some [D]old rusty coins
So [Em]turn off the light, boy, and [C]take off your hat
And [G]drop to your knees, say a [D]prayer to Saint Pat
Then he'll [C]give you the strength to get out of the bed
And for [C]Ireland's sake, go [D]down to the old pub 
[G]instead [D] [C] [D]

Now the [Em]pub is the place where the [C]lads are a-meetin'
[G]When the moon's full and the [D]gals are a-bleedin'
The [Em]Catholic, the Protestant, [C]even the pagan
The [G]pub is the place when your [D]lady is raggin'
So [C]drink of your pint, boys, and thank your shamrocks
That as [C]menfolk we don't have to bleed from our cocks
And that [C]we can escape from the lady in red
And get [C]out of the house and go [D]down to the old pub

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Instead.