intro: A, B verse: E (022100@1) F# (244322@1) AG# E------------------------------------------| (022100@1)------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| -0-0-4-7-9-7-4----------------------------| E (022100@1) F#I've (244322@1)screwed alot of boilers, I've prodded loads of tarts, A (x02220@1) G# (xx1114@1) EStabbed (022100@1)some open wounds and I've split them all in half E (022100@1) F#Knobbed (244322@1)a lot of women, I've stuffed a load of birds A (x02220@1) G# (xx1114@1) F#Shagged (244322@1)a lot of dogs and I've pulled a load of skirt B (x2444x@1) F#And (244322@1)there's been a load of whores when I've used a bit of force, A (x02220@1) G# (xx1114@1) F#But (244322@1)they all received the benefit of sexual intercourse B (x2444x@1) F#When (244322@1)they make a lot of fuss, it makes me feel sick, A (x02220@1) BThey (x2444x@1)want a soaking gusset and a more than ample dick Chorus: E (022100@1) A (x02220@1) E (022100@1) ADoctor, (x02220@1)I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day, E (022100@1) F#I (244322@1)bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank, A (x02220@1) BThere's (x2444x@1)something up with my dick - EIt (022100@1)hurts when I wank. I've slammed a lot of crumpet, but its doing them some good, If they don't like it, they can lump it, they've all been ugly tugs. One bitch, she had a flat head, put up quite a fight, But I found a gob to place my knob, And a place to put my pint. I always end up shagging a really smelly bag and getting down to business When I just don't want to shag, Chorus. x2 end Sometimes I have to do it, lie back and think of Macc, I'm using all this drinking time to service ugly crack. Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day, I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank, There's something up with my dick - It hurts when I wank.