Author: Sanger (Tom Hodge)


      EHello (022100@1)                     B/D#Welcome (x2544x@1)to my show
                        D (xx0232@1)     Dsus2I'm (xx0230@1)glad that you could come
      AWe're (x02220@1)gonna have a hoot
      D (xx0232@1)        B/D#E
We're gonna have some fun

[notes - A3 B3 D3 G3 B3 D3]

          ESit (022100@1)back
                             E/D#Put (021100@1)your feet up and relax
                             D (xx0232@1)  Dsus2I (xx0230@1)hope you've had a drink or three
    AThe (x02220@1)more you've drunk
    D (xx0232@1)         B/D#E
The better I'll ever be

    AAnd (x02220@1)if you have a mobile phone
    AmPlease (x02210@1)turn it off
    EThank (022100@1)you

    AAnd (x02220@1)if you have Tourette's syndrome
    Am (x02210@1)                          EJust (022100@1)do whatever it is you people do

    F# (244322@1)                        AAnd (x02220@1)if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy
E (022100@1)              A (x02220@1)   B (x2444x@1) EMaybe (022100@1)you should chuff off home
         A (x02220@1)                  ECos (022100@1)it's only gonna get worse
A (x02220@1)                  EOnly (022100@1)gonna get worse
AOnly (x02220@1)gonna get worse
         EFrom (022100@1)now on     c**t

[notes - E2 F#2 G#2]

AMy (x02220@1)name is Tim
D (xx0232@1)           AI (x02220@1)write funny songs and sing
A (x02220@1)                    B (x2444x@1)             E7And (020130@1)if you don't think funny songs are funny
     AWell (x02220@1)I respect your right
   D (xx0232@1)           ATo (x02220@1)think exactly what you like
           A (x02220@1)              E7 (020130@1)              ABut (x02220@1)you're sure as shit not getting back your money


    Dmaj7 (xx0222@1)                      A (x02220@1)      E/G# (143121@4)     F#m (244222@1) F#m/E
And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say
       D (xx0232@1)            Dmaj7 (xx0222@1)A (x02220@1)   E/G# (143121@4)  F#m (244222@1) F#m/E
That I read your publication every single day
    Dmaj7 (xx0222@1)        B?       C#7 (x4342x@1)           F#mAnd (244222@1)I agree with absolutely everything you say
                        Dmaj9 (xx4220@1)                       B?/D
I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer
A (x02220@1)            G/A (320203@1)          D/A (x00232@1) Dm/A
Writing on the subject of the arts
Dmaj9
But if you write a bad review
  B?/D
I promise you I'll come round to your house
A (x02220@1)     G/A (320203@1)             D/A (x00232@1)         Bmb5/A
And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants
         B11I'll (x22222@1)lay turds!
            C11In (x33333@1)all your plants!
            C#11
Your indoor plants!

Your potted indoor plants!

      F#Hello (244322@1)                  C#/E#
Welcome to my show
                       Esus2I'm (xx2452@1)glad you all could come
     B (x2444x@1)               E (022100@1)     C#/E#   F#It's (244322@1)time for a little audience participation
      F#Sing, (244322@1)"Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      ESing, (022100@1)"Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      BSing, (x2444x@1)"Yeah yeah yeah!"   (Yeah yeah yeah!)
      F#Sing, (244322@1)"Ooo yeah!"   (Ooo yeah!)
      F#Sing, (244322@1)"I am an audience member!"      (I am an audience member!)
E"Why (022100@1)are you making me sing?"      (Why are you making me sing?)
B"You (x2444x@1)self indulgent wanker!"      (You self indulgent wanker!)
      F#"Just (244322@1)get on with the fucking show!"   (Just get on with the fucking show!)

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