NUMBERS
Recorded by Bobby Bare
Written by Shel Silverstein

 G                                             D
I was sittin' here Friday suppin' on a glass of wine
                                           G
When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind
                                              C
She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
     D                                         G
On a scale of ONE to TEN (pause) I'd give her a NINE.

G                                    D
Now on my scale there ain't no TEN's, you know
                                   G
NINE is about as far as any chick can go
                                                    C
So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
        D                                  G
So for brains and good judgement, give her a THREE.

     G                                          D
I said, hey sweet thing, you look like a possible EIGHT
                                                      G
You and me could, uh! make EIGHTEEN, if your head's on straight
                                C
She looked up and down my perfect frame
        D                                      G
And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.

         G                                     D
She said, well, another one of those macho Texas men
                                           G
Tryin' to grade all women on scales of ONE to TEN
                                                              C
And, uh!, you give me an EIGHT, well, that's a generous thing to do
      D                                G
Now, let's just see, just how much I give you.


(CHANGE TO KEY OF A)
   A                                                 E
She said you comin' on to me with that phony NUMBERS jive
                                      A
Your style makes me smile, I give it a FIVE
                                           D
When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)
     E                                              A
It's last year's double knit-french cuffs, give it a FOUR.

    A                                   E
That must be your car parked out on the curb
                                                    A
That 'SIXTY-NINE homemade convertible, A THREE and A THIRD
                                         D
I saw that build, I guess (yore) less than FIVE
     E                                         A
Said, for your pot belly, I'd give that a TEN for size.

    A                                    E
That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
                                          A
But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a TWO
                                            D
It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
      E                                   A
I give it a SIX, you could use some dental work.

     A                                                  E
But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
                                                             A
It may be a TEN to these country hens, but to me a THREE and A HALF
                                                      D
And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
    E                                        A
And since there ain't no ZEROes, I give you a ONE.

      A                             E
She walked out, while up and down the line
                                                            A
The whole bar was laughin', sayin' BARE, what happened to your NINE
                                               D
NINE says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew
    E                                        A
She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a TWO.


(TALK) Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
There's flaws in all of them
That's why on a scale of TEN to ONE, friend
There ain't no TEN.