[Link]
Am        G
     Hey, hey
Am
     Alright
        G      Am
Yeah, Aww yeah

Am
My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
            G                      Am
Been on the force o' good since 1986, old school
I'm bringin' you a laid-back summertime jam

[Old Man]
     G
Hold on a minute Link!

[Link]
           Am
Hey, what's up old man?

[Old Man]
Am
I see that you're embarkin' on another epic quest
             G                             Am
You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess
Am
But you'll need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
     G                         Am
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

[Link]
Am
Oh, thanks Old Man, that is really very nice
         G                                       Am
I can always count on you for helpful, friendly advice
Am
Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size
   G                                  Am
Oh god, that's not a sword! It's your dick in disguise

[Old Man]
Am                       F          G
Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
   Am                        F           C
Now grab your destiny if you know what I mean
       Am                                       G                 Am
Wait a minute Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going?
         Am                       G                    E
This is a great chance to fondle a scrotum that you're blowing

(break)

[Link]
           Am
That. Was. Weird, but whatever there is no time to lose
        G                           Am
I gotta warp on outta Zelda in this chilled out groove
Am
Wait, this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
           G                                Am
This place looks just like Philadelphia but even more shitty
Am
I'm at the corner of Dead Cop and Prostitute Junction
          G                        Am
Something in my Ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
Am
I gotta fix it quickly there is justice to do

[Old Man]
     G
Hold on a minute Link!

[Link]
    Am
Old Man, is that you?

[Old Man]
Am
This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
     G                      Am
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

[Link]
Am
Well that's really kind o- D'aaah! That's your wrinkled dick again
        G                           Am
Look, I know I wear a tunic but I'm not into men

[Old Man]
Am                             F         G
Don't be that way bitch let me introduce you
   Am                                F       C
To my three best friends Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
       Am                               F                 G
If you see the Princess Zelda, well you know you're gonna grab her
       Am                               F           E
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo jabber

[Link]
OH MY GOD!

(break)

        Am
I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
         G                        Am
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Am
Okay, now I really don't know where I am

[Old Man]
     G
Hold on a minute Link!

[Link]
     Am
God DAMN it, Old Man!

[Old Man]
Am
You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
     G                      Am
It's dangerous to go alone, take-

[Link]
Am
NO!
Fuck you!
Fuck you, I'm not giving you a-
G
Not touching your we-
Am                            (stop playing)
Stop the chilled out groove!
Jeez!
You come in here telling me you got a weewee weapon
Am                                     G             Am
It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna splllllNO!

[Old Man]
So is that a no on the handjob or...? Okay.