INTRO
C5 C5 F5 G5 G5 x2
VERSE 1
C5 C5
Sid Vicious played a four-string Fender bass guitar and couldn?t sing
F5 G5 G5
And everybody hated him except the ones who loved him
C5 C5
A ukulele has four strings, but Sid did not play ukulele
F5 G5 G5
He did smack and probably killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen
VERSE 2
C5 C5
If only Sid had had a ukulele, maybe he could have been happy
F5 G5 G5
Maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end
C5 C5
He maybe would have not done all that heroin instead
F5 G5 G5
He maybe would?ve sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend
CHORUS
C5 C5
So play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
F5 G5 G5
Cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn?t mean you?re failing
C5 C5
Do your homework with a fork and eat your fruit loops in the dark
F5 G5 G5
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work and play your ukulele

BRIDGE
F5 G5
Ukulele small and forceful, ukulele, brave and peaceful
C5 F5
You can play the ukulele too it is painfully simple
F5 G5
Play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly
Bb5
Ukulele banish evil, ukulele save the people,
Ukulele gleaming golden on the top of every steeple
VERSE 3
C5 C5
Lizzie borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks
F5 G5 G5
Then gave her father forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle
C5 C5
If only they had given her an instrument, those puritans
F5 G5 G5
Had lost the plot completely, see what happens when you muzzle
VERSE 4
C5 C5
A person?s creativity and do not let them sing and scream
F5 G5 G5
And nowadays it?s worse ?cause kids have automatic handguns
C5 C5
It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele
F5 G5 G5
About same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb you do the math(s)
CHORUS
BRIDGE
F5 G5
Ukulele, thing of wonder, ukulele, wand of thunder
C5 F5
You can play the ukulele too in London and down under
F5 G5
Play Joan Jett, and play Jacques Brel and Eminem and Neutral Milk Ho-
Bb5
Tell the children crush the hatred, play your ukulele naked
If anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it

VERSE 5
C5 C5
Imagine there?s no music, imagine there are no songs
F5 G5 G5
Imagine that John Lennon wasn?t shot in front of his apartment
C5 C5 F5
Now imagine if John Lennon had composed ?Imagine? for the ukulele
G5 G5
Maybe people would have truly got the message
VERSE 6
C5 C5
You may think my approach is simple-minded and na?ve
F5 G5 G5
Like if you want to change the world then why not quit and feed the hungry
C5 C5
But people for millennia have needed music to survive
F5 G5 G5
And that?s why I?ve promised John that I will not feel guilty
VERSE 7
C5 C5
So play your favorite Beatles song and make the subway fall in love
F5 G5 G5
They?re only $19.95, that isn?t lots of money
C5 C5
Play until the sun comes up and play until your fingers suffer
F5 G5 G5
Play LCD Soundsystem songs on your ukulele
VERSE 8
C5 C5
Quit the bitching on your blog and stop pretending art is hard
F5 G5 G5
Just limit yourself to three chords and do not practice daily
C5 C5
You?ll minimize some stranger?s sadness with a piece of wood and plastic
F5 G5 G5
Holy fuck it?s so fantastic, playing ukulele

VERSE 9
C5 C5
Eat your homework with a fork and do your fruit loops in the dark
F5
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work, your flask of jack, your vibrator
your fear of heights, your nikon lens
VERSE 10
C5 C5
Your mom and dad, your disco stick, your soundtrack from ?Karate Kid?
F5 G5 G5
Your ginsu knives, your rosary, your new Rebecca Black CD
C5 C5
Your favorite room , your bowie knife, your stuffed giraffe, your new glass eye
F5 G5 G5
Your sousaphone, your breakfast tea, your Nick Drake tapes, your giving tree
C5 C5
Your ice cream truck, your missing wife, your will to live, your urge to cry
F5 C5
Remember we?re all going to die so play your ukulele