Intro: C G C G C
Verse 1:
          C                      G
There's a place where you don't wanna be
       C          G
Where people die constantly
          C            G
And they never die in normal ways
         C             G
It's preposterous but still cliche

Bridge 1:
          C                              G
When your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel
      C                               NC
By chopping off her head with a scythe in a pool
        D
Well they're not saying it makes sense
        E
They're just interpreting the evidence

Chorus:
             C               G
This is the plot to every television crime show
C                    C                                G
 From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C                  G      
The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C                       NC
 Will come back because you know he did it
C                               G
I don't think they're trying anymore
                 C
And I'm getting bored

Verse 2:
C                        G
There was semen all over the crime scene
           C                      G
So they use the super-fancy semen testing machine
        C             G
And the DNA database gets a hit
        C                        G
But it looks like he might still get away with it

Bridge 2:
         C               G
But the final piece of evidence
C                   C
Totally stumps the bad guy's defense
    D
And he breaks down in front of everyone
    E
And tells them exactly how it was done

Chorus:
             C               G
This is the plot to every television crime show
C                    C                                G
 From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C                  G      
The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C                       NC
 Will come back because you know he did it
C                               G
I don't think they're trying anymore
                 C
And I'm getting bored

Interlude: C

Verse 3:
        C           G
By the middle of the first season
C                       G
Murder is eclipsed by sexual tension
        C                     G
And I guess that probably happens a lot
        C                         G
Since crime-solving people are always so hot

Bridge 3:
           C               G
But then a serial killer kidnaps the girl
           C                         C
And they promise to save her if it costs them the world
           D
And they find her two seconds before she dies
           E
And they hug and they laugh and they screw and they cry

Chorus:
             C               G
This is the plot to every television crime show
C                    C                                G
 From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C                  G      
The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C                       NC
 Will come back because you know he did it
C                               G
I don't think they're trying anymore
                 C
And I'm getting bored
*End on C*