Intro: D D e ----------2--------------2------ b ----------3--------------3------ g ----------2--------------2------ d --------0-0------------0-0------ a --3-0-3----------3-0-3---------- e -------------------------------- Verse 1: D5 The old bastard lay sprawled on the nursin' home floor G5 He'd been wankin' and fell out of his chair. A5 And as he fell on his guts his calostomy bust D5 Splatterin' muck and guck and shit everywhere. D5 It was all up the wall on the matron and all G5 It was caked on her apron and hair. A5 A5 And as we ducked for cover that filthy old bugger A5 D5 Just sat there with his cock in his hand. Verse 2: D5 Oh, couldn't been a worse day 'cause it was his birthday G5 With the rellies rally'd all 'round his bed. A5 Absolutely amazed that he'd actually made D5 Another birthday 'cause he should have been dead. D5 With all that fuckin' and fightin' that he'd done in his life G5 He should have been hung years ago. A5 A5 By any number of blokes who's missus he'd poked A5 D5 With that monster he was strokin' there now. Refr?o ------------- D5 Oh, Grandad's got a stiffy A5 Grandad's got a bone. Somebody better get Nana in quick D5 We promised her we'd phone. D5 He's O.D.d on viagra G5 Call Grandmother up on the phone. A5 Grandad's got a stiffy D5 Grandad's got a bone. -------------------- Instrumental: D5 G5 A5 D5 Verse 3: D5 But he just couldn't stop wankin' so we chucked on a blanket G5 So the women and kids couldn't see. A5 His battered banana hangin' out his pajamas D5 And the come stain and shit on the sheets. D5 But that filthy old bastard sat cacklin' and laughin' G5 Just wavin' his slug in the air. A5 A5 And by the look in his eye, matron knew it was time A5 D5 Everybody get the fuck out of here. Chorus: D5 'Cause Grandad's got a stiffy A5 Grandad's got a bone. Somebody better get Nana in quick D5 We promised her we'd phone. D5 He's pullin' him self ta pieces G5 Call Grandmother up on the phone. A5 Grandad's got a stiffy D5 Grandad's got a bone. Refr?o ------------- D5 Oh, Grandad's got a stiffy A5 Grandad's got a bone. Somebody better get Nana in quick D5 We promised her we'd phone. D5 'Cause Grandad's goin' ballistic G5 Call Grandmother up on the phone. A5 Grandad's got a stiffy D5 Grandad's got a bone. A5 Grandad's got a stiffy D5 Grandad's got a bone. --------------------