NOTE: * at the start of a line indicates the caller's voice 
      @ at the start of a line indicates the operator's voice 
      # at the start of a line indicates the Telecom worker's voice 
      $ at the start of a line indicates the receptionist's voice 
 
  A 
* Hello operator, I'd like to make a call. 
      A                        E 
* Can I have four double seven three one zero four? 
      A                                             D 
@ I'm sorry, sir, could you repeat that number once again? 
       E                                               A 
* Four double seven three one zero four, did ya get it then? 

 
            A 
@ Could you speak a little slower - four double seven's all I got. 
  A                            E 
* Three one zero four, are you bloody deaf or what? 
  A                                               D 
@ Look, I got the third bit, I just can't get the last. 
       E                                        A 
* Well stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse! 

 
  D                        A 
* Stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse, 
  B                                   E 
* You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard, 
    D                            A 
* I only want to make a call but you're just bein' smart, 
             A                        E 
* So you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse! 
 
 
# Good morning I'm from Telecom come to disconnect the phone, 
# For a breach of regulations just a couple of days ago. 
# You upset our operator with a pretty nasty call. 
* What are you fuckin' on about - it was all her fuckin' fault. 
 
# Well she claims that it was all your fault, she really was distressed. 
* What about your customers - she upset me first. 
# We've got her written statement, which shortly will be read. 
# But it might help if you'd recall exactly what you said. 
 
* I said stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse, 
* You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard, 
* I just tried to make a call but you just acted smart, 
* So I said stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse! 
 
# Well that's not exactly on sir, no it's just not on at all. 
# You must use proper ettiquite if you wish to make a call. 
# And please and thank you also help - you can't talk to her like that. 
* Please and bloody thank you, well you fuckin' tell her that! 
 
* And she knows without a telephone I'm really in the shit. 
# Well perhaps if you'd apoligise that just might help a bit. 
* Apoligise - apoligise - apoligise to who? 
# Just go in and ask for Operator 42. 
 
     Now the song changes key - A=G 

                                B=A 

                                D=C 

                                E=D 
 
$ Good morning are you waiting is there something I can do? 
* Yes I'd like to speak to Operator 42. 
$ Sorry, sir, I missed that, could you repeat what you just said? 
* OH SHIT I DON'T BELIEVE IT HERE WE FUCKIN' GO AGAIN! 
 
* Operator 42 - look I'll just write it down! 
$ Ooh, Operator 42 - I'll see if she's around. 
* Jeez, they're bloody useless, I'm sure that they're all deaf, 
* No wonder that I did me quince, no wonder that I said: 
 
* Stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse, 
* You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard, 
* I just want to make a call but you're just bein' smart, 
* So stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse! 
 
     Now the song goes back to A 
 
* Now they'll make me sit around and wait all bloody day, 
* Just so they can make me sweat and have the final say. 
* That's like the public service - they make you scrape & bow, 
* Oh, shit she's fuckin' ugly if that's her coming now! 
 
@ I'm Operator 42 - I'm busy, make it fast. 
* Did a bloke tell you to stick that fuckin' phone right up your arse? 
@ Yes he did, the filthy animal, I remember now. 
* Well you'r better fuckin' brace yourself cause they're bringin' it around! 
 
* And you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse, 
* You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard, 
* I just tried to make a call but you just acted smart, 
* So you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse! 
 
* Stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse, 
* You're supposed to fuckin' help not make it fuckin' hard, 
* I just tried to make a call but you just acted smart, 
* So you can stick that fuckin' phone up your fuckin' arse!