Intro: C  F  C  F 
 
       C      F     C   
A lady gets a lotta things  
           G        C 
She gets a 20 carat ring  
             F       C     
She gets the alimony too  
            G                C      
She gets to look good in the nude  
                D                        G   
But there's one place where they've been whipped  
            D              G 
Between the nose and upper lip  

Chorus: 
C           F 
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache (3X) 
C           G            C  
One hundred hairs make a man  
 
I tried a handlebar design  
My Fu Manchu was real fine  
My Ronald Colman made 'em blink  
My Pancho Villa made 'em think  
But when I trimmed 'em real small  
My Jewish friends would never call  
 
Chorus 
 
They call me sir, and that ain't bad  
Sometimes they think that I'm my Dad  
And women flirt and you can bet  
They like that tickle that they get  
The only time I feel bad  
Is when the guess the lunch I've had  
 
Chorus