Note: this is not mine, I found it on an internet forum , if you tabbed it a) thanks b) 
sorry c) your an idiot to post it on a forum and not expect it to be shared about a bit. Thanks!

( A )                                          E/G#
Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy
                            F#m           E
isn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta
A
appreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book
  E/G#                                                         F#m     
 E
a chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water.

      A6
And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
( E )
I'd like to be here every week if that's OK.
                              Fo7(or E7b9/F)
And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way
         F#m            E          D
in which we could do it pretty easily.
                                        E
You can leave all the boring details to me.
       A6 *               Eadd2/A *       F#m/A *
It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept.
A6 *                   Eadd2/A *                   E/B
No one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet.

Picture this - imagine if we had

( A )            E/G#       F#m            E       D
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea.
    A                       E/G#
Why settle for a quartet of queers
               D/F#             E
When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here?
( A )            E/G#       F#m     E        D
Five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace:
  A                       E/G#                   D         A
a hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays.

Pickup: E F# Ab
( A )
I know, I know, I've seen the problem too.
( E/A )
There's a rumour I am straight, it's true.
( D/A )                                  Dm
It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent
                    Dm
as Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent.
( A )
But I've already thought it through.
( E/A )
D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
    D
sexuality conversions. I've heard them assert
         D7
they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt.
       E7
Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have -

( A )            E/G#       F#m            E   D
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution
    A                   E/G#
and probably the best solution
                      D                         E
to the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals.

Pickup: E F# Ab
( A )
Yes I know your producers might suspect
( E/A )
that the licence-paying public will object
( D/A )                     D
to the Corporation having yet
            Dm
another homosexual to pay.
( A )
The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out.
( E/A )
Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth,
( D/A )
writing further brilliant stuff about
( Dm )                                 E
the myth about being both happy and gay.

    F#m            F#m/A F#m/C#
But all that moral indignation
     D/F#                   A/E
will disappear when they see
      D                    A
those four lovely guys and me
Bm                    E
singing in perfect harmony.

    F#m/A
And all those angry letter writers,
    D/A
like 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight
    F#m/A
and 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds
     E                      E7         F?7
and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed,
     F#m       E            D
will instantly change their tune.
           A                          E
They'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon.
           D
They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
       E                       E7           F?7
in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em.

           F
They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars,
    G                    E                     (Bass line - A 
E F E G A )
and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides.
And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
                            G (picks up on the G in the bass line)
Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4,

( C )         G/B      Am      G        F
5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand.
        C                   G/B       F        C
You can never have too many pianos or too much man.
( C )         G/B        Am                       F
5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum.
G                              F            C
Make it a trio of pianos and a big gay half dozen.