E5                       Ab5
This is a song for Phil Daoust:

           A5                  C5       B5
occasional Guardian Newspaper journal-oust.

E5                 Ab5
I never ever ever mentioned your name,

       A5                                 B5
or the review that you wrote, when I was new to this game.

C#5                  C#5
But now the time has come,

             C#5                     C#5
I think I've dealt with my feelings at last.

  F#5
I really wanna forgive ya Phil,

       B5                              A5  B5
yeah I wanna put the past in the past-a

          E5                  Ab5
Oh and as this is such a big tour,

  A5                             C5   B5      
I thought I outta take the opportunity.

                 E5                           Ab5
'Cause there's a pretty good chance somebody out there will know you,

A5                          B5
Maybe they would pass on a message for me.

C#5                  C#5              C#5              C#5
Just wanna say, Phil Daoust, occasional Guardian Newspaper journal-oust,

          F#5
That it's been three years since you wrote it,

    Ab5
and time is very healing.

      A5
But I still wanna cut big chunks of flesh out of your stupid face

    B5
and make your children watch while I force you to eat them.

A5      B5
Yeah I wanna make your children watch you eat your own face-meat.



E5         B5
Ding Dang Ding Dang Dong,

C#5        Ab5
This is my Phil Doust Song,

A5         E5
Everybody sing along,

A5
La la la la la la la,

  B5                                E5
I hope one of your family' members dies.

      B5
Phil, Ding Dang Dong.

C#5                   Ab5
I've written you this special song,

A5                   E5
to help you get the attention -

    A5          B5
you obviously, desperately lack.




And I know that you're a smart man,
and with such a fine mind, I guess it has to be hard-
To resist throwing narcissistic, intellectual tantrums in the supermarket isles of 
your self-regard.

Just wanna say, Phil Daoust, I know it must be really hard to be a journal-oust.
While a deadlines always looming, and the pressure to be entertaining.
So maybe you should quit and get a job that you'd be better at - like killing 
yourself, you fucking cunt.

Ding Dang Ding Dang Dong,
This is my Phil Doust Song,
Everybody sing along,
Tra la la la la la la,
I hope something you love catches on fire.
Phil, Ding Dang Dong.
I've written you this special song,
to show how far I've come along -
in my efforts to be more mature in the face of negative feedback.

You fucking poo-face.