Parody of "How Do You Like Me Now" by Toby Keith (Toby Keith/Chuck Cannon) Tokeco 
Tunes/Wacissa River Music (admin. by MRBI) (BMI)
New lyrics by Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music, Inc. (SESAC)

G(arpeggio)       
Yeah I was always the lazy one,
G(arpeggio) 
A Southern Californian, 
    F                            C
But I've got some kinfolk on the Mason-Dixon line. 
G(arpeggio)
So this summer just for fun 
G(arpeggio)
Hopped in my DeLorean 
    F                     C
And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time. 

Dm             Em         F           G
I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin'. 
C                       F
I misunderstood him somehow. 
Dm             Em          F              G
So far there's nothin' but chores here to mention. 
C                        F
I didn't mind feedin the sows. 
F                     G
But HOW DO YOU MILK A COW?

                  C
How do you milk a cow? 
            F
I wasn't in FFA. 
                        G
This cow must think i'm crazy 
                C
Up under it this way. 
                   F                                       C
I'm sittin' here a pullin', but there ain't nothin' comin' out.
           G 
Oh E I E I O,
                  C      C F (play twice)
How do you milk a cow? 

G(arpeggio)
Yeah I love it here in Tennesse, 
G(arpeggio)
But these farmers all make fun of me. 
F                        C
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car. 
G(arpeggio)
So I got myself a 4 wheel drive, 
G(arpeggio)
Learned to spotlight deer at night, 
    F                             C
And I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art. 

Dm              Em
One thing's for sure, 
       F           G
I hate shovelin' manure, 
C                   F
It gets all over my overalls. 
Dm               Em
Them horses need shoein' 
F             G
I hear Bessie mooin'. 
     C                         F
So I thought maybe I'd ask you all. 
F                 G
HOW DO YOU MILK A COW? 

                  C
How do you milk a cow? 
                     F
I think it's safe to say
                  G                        C
A man could get arrested for this stuff in LA 
                    F                             C
This heifer must be empty 'cause she ain't puttin out. 
           G
Oh E I E I O,
                          C 
Tell me how do you milk a cow. 

(solo)
(Spoken)
This song is absolutely an "udder" disaster. 
I hope I don't get mad cow diease.

                  C
How do you milk a cow? 
            F
I no longer care. 
                    G                       C
I'm gettin sick and tired of smellin' dairy air. 
                    F
I'm headin' back to Cali 
                      C
And I'm turnin' in my plow. 
           G
Oh E I E I O.
                  C      C F (fade) 
How do you milk a cow?