Figured Out On Ukulele, Same On Guitar
Capo 1st Fret 
C
We've been on a bunch of dates
G
I weigh debates that this creates
         F                                           G
And hate that state of forced introspection
C               
We traded wit, we swapped some spit,
G
You fingered me a little bit
F                                       G
But we never really had a connection


       F                            C    F                       C
You did nothing wrong, I have no excuse
F            C                                             G
Just my intuition telling me we shouldn't reproduce


C
I know I have to end it
G
But pretend to just suspend it
    F                                 G
By contending that I'm busy all week
C
I let the foregone linger on
G
Text back with an emoticon
F                                 G
Withdraw from you by being oblique


F          C               F                   C
Inside I know my tactics just delay it
            F             C                                     G
But I'd do anything so I don't have to say it


F                                      G
I'll draw this out forever like it's Vietnam
                  F                         G
Then one day I'll be gone like Bambi's mom Awww


                                 F                      C
Cause there's the right thing to do
                                F                 C
Then there's what I'm gonna do
              F                 C
There's so much I should say
               G                        Am
But instead... I do the fade away


               G                              C
Now I'm fading like chalk on a sidewalk
                  G                         C
Or the polio virus after Jonas Salk
          G                                     C
Like a Jewish guy at Arby's on Yom Kippur
Am
The Whig party post Millard Fillmore


G                                           C
The erection of a man on antidepressants
      G                                         C
The cast of Diff'rent Strokes after adolescence
G                                       C
Reproductive rights below the Mason Dixon
Am
Native Americans after the barter systems


Dm                              G
Your thyroid gland after Hashimoto
Dm                                 D
The family in the Back to the Future photo
Am
Yeah I fade away


C                                         G
We say that men are asshole who don't communicate
       F                                                       G
We revel in our victimhood and amplify our hate
            C                                   G
We find ways to be indignant like it's a sport
                        F                                       G
Then dissect their malignance with the views we distort 


F                        C                 F                  C
The way men break up may be sloppy and terse
          F                     C                  G
What they do is bad, but what we do is worse

       C                                 G
We pretend to ourselves it's the nice thing to do
      F                               G
To let you down gently by just not fucking telling you
        C                                       G
And deep down we know it's the worst way to play it
             F                          G
But we are what we have... huge pussies

        G                   C
And women are hypocrites
G                       C
Especially ones in comedy bands
G                               C
We see your faults but not our own
Am
Then we wonder why we're all alone

F                       C        F               C
We fill you up with maybe's, excuses and stalls
F                                  G
But like a baby in China... it's better to have balls

           F                                          G
Not the Good Wife type like Christine Baranski
          F                                     G
So I'll pull out and leave like I'm Roman Polanski

                        F                      C
Cause there's the right thing to do
                                F                   C
Then there's what I'm gonna do
                    F                       C
There's so much I should say
       G                                Am
But instead... I do the fade away
        
          G                               C
Like Verbal Kint fading into Kaiser Soze
       G                                                C
The rights in Arizona for a guy named Jose
G                               C
Opportunities for a college grad
Am
The love between your mom and dad
G                                C
Gonna Peter out like a gay Cetera
G                               C
Iranian relations since the Regan era
G                                        C
Black Nike sales after Heaven's Gate
Am
Summer Camp attendance at Penn State

        Dm                              G
The name Adolph after World War Two
        Dm                              D
Like Debbie Gibson's pop career, Out of the Blue
Am
Yeah I fade away
                G                       C
Cause I don't wanna get to know you
                      G          C
I just want to blow you... off