PADDY AND THE BARREL (THE SICK NOTE)


              G                                                                    C                       
             G
DEAR SIR I WRITE THIS NOTE TO YOU TO TELL YOU OF MY PLIGHT.

           C                                G                          Am                            D
FOR AT THE TIME OF WRITING I AM NOT A PRETTY SIGHT

            C                          G
MY BODY IS ALL BLACK AND BLUE,

          Am                                    C
MY FACE A DEATHLY GRAY

D              G                                                                               Am          
C
AND I WROTE THIS NOTE TO SAY WHY PADDYS NOT IN WORK

      G
TODAY

WHILST WORKING ON THE FOURTEETH FLOOR, SOME BRICKS I HAD TO CLEAR, TO THROW THEM DOWN FROM SUCH A HEIGHT 
NOT A GOOD IDEA. THE FOREMAN WASN`T VERY PLEASED, HE IS AN AWKWARD SOD, HE SAID I`D HAVE TO CART THEM DOWN 
LADDERS IN ME HOD.


NOW CLEARING ALL THOSE BRICKS BY HAND, IT WAS SO VERY SLOW, SO I HOISTED UP A BARREL AND SECURED THE ROPE 
BUT IN MY HASTE TO DO THE JOB I  WAS TO BLIND TO SEE, THAT A BARREL FULLOF BUILDING BRICKS WAS HEAVIER 
ME.

AND SO, WHEN I UNTIED THE ROPE THE BARREL FELL LIKE LEAD, AND CLINGING TIGHTLY TO THE ROPE I STARTED UP 
I SHOT UP LIKE A ROCKET, TILL TO MY DISMAY I FOUND, THAT HALFWAY UP I MET THE BLOODY BARREL COMING DOWN!


THE BARREL BROKE MY SHOULDER AS TO THE GROUND IT SPED, AND WHEN I REACHED THE TOP I BANGED THE PULLY WITH 
HEAD. I HUNG ON TIGHTLY, NUMB WITH SHOCK FROM THIS ALMIGHTY BLOW, AND THE BARREL SPILLED OUT HALF THE 
FOURTEEN FLOORS BELOW.

NOW WHEN THOSE BRICKS HAD FALLEN FROM THE BARRELTOTHE FLOOR, I THEN OUT WHEIGHED THE BARREL, AND SO 
DOWN ONCE MORE! STILL CLINGING TIGHTLY TO THE ROPE, MY BODY RACKED WITH PAIN WHEN, HALFWAY DOWN I MET THE BLOODY 
ONCE AGAIN!

THE FORCE OF THIS COLLISION HALFWAY UP THE OFFICE BLOCK CAUSED MULTIPLE ABRASIONS AND A NASTY STATE OF 
STILL CLINGING TIGHTLY TO THE ROPE, I FELL TOWARDS THE GROUND, AND I LANDED ON THE BROKEN BRICKS THE BARREL 
ROUND.

I LAY THERE, GROANING ON THE GROUND, I THOUGHT I`D PASSED THE WORST, BUT THE BARREL HIT THE PULLEY-WHEEL 
THEN THE BOTTOM BURST! A SHOWER OF BRICKS RAINDED DOWN ON ME-I HADN`T GOT A HOPE, AS I LAY THERE BLEEDING 
THE GROUND-I LET GO THE BLOODY ROPE!

THE BARREL THEN BEING HEAVIER, IT STARTED DOWN ONCE MORE, AND LANDED RIGHT ACROSS ME AS I LAY UPON THE 
IT BROKE THREE RIBS AND MY LEFT ARM, AND I CAN ONLY SAY THAT I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY PADDYS NOT IN WORK TODAY!