(intros just the same chords for the verses: D, G, A)

D
The A is for my authority
G
Which many players seem to question,
A
Thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind
D
B is for babies
G
Which a lot of managers cry like
A
After a decision has not gone their way
D                                G
C is for the continual criticism I recieve from the touchline
A
Get back in your technical area!
D
D is for the dunderheads
G
Who seem to think we have a conspiracy
A
Against their particular team
D
E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
G
After I've booked the home teams player
A
And it's obvious to everyone that he deserved it
D
F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
G
The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week
A
And reckoned he should have had a throw in
D
H is for handball
G
Which has to be intentional and very rarely is
A
If only people would study the rules more
D
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
G
After they've just scythed down that tricky winger
A
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
D
And some of the narky blerts ive encountered
G
K is for the kissing of the badge
A
How ridiculous that looks 6 months later when they're at another club
D                     G
L is for lip reading, at which you don't need to be an expert
A
To see how odious some people are
D
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
G                           A
Surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
D                                    G
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
                  A
Asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
D
An afternoon with your wife mate
D
The O is for offside
G                              A
Which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
D
The P is for the penalty shootout
G              A
Great drama and no pressure on me
D
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
G
With some of the more fiery participants
A
I usually choose the word 'pleat'
D
R is for running backwards
G                             A
A difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
D                             G
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
A
To a player whos just been awarded a free kick
(mute the strings and strum )
Sorry i got all that wrong the S again
D
Okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
G
By a player whos been awarded a free kick
A
He himself is more in danger of getting one for that
D
T is for the 21 man brawl
G                                   A
Whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
D
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish I'd been instead
G                          A
You never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
D                                       G
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
A
Some good bird noises there by the way
D
W is for walter pidgeon
G
Whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
A
I may have started to sound like during this song
D
'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
G                          A
He says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
D
The X
G
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy
A
potugese center half

Whom i just dismissed
D
The Y is for Yate
G                   A
The kind of town referees come from
D
And the Z
G                              A
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff

Even Zondervan
D
But is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
G
Without this zest for the game we wouldn't become refs
A
And without refs, well zero
D
See also Zatopek, Zeus
G
And Zeal Monachorum
D
I have a caravan there
G
Static naturally
A          D etc...
(Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun)

contiune the "D G A" until the end (although, if your like me when it comes to the end 
you just press play and start it all again)