G A Wanna have some quality time with my son C G So I brought him down to the fishin' hole G A Didn't like the feelin' of that worm in his hand C G Got mad, threw down his fishin' pole G A Said, "That's alright, son. Let's go and get an ice cream" C G "Let your old man buy you a treat" G A But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall C G Started crying, and ran into the street... G B He's an asshole, my kid's an asshole C G I swear it just don't float my boat G B Always crying, always crying C G Made me wanna punch him in his little throat G A Called my lady up to tell her what had happened C G How our son had run away G A She said, "Don't worry, baby, I will talk to him" C G "And everything will be okay" G B My lady's an asshole, she's an asshole C G Her assholishness is off the charts G B Always perfect, always perfect C G Made me wanna punch her in her lady-parts (Whistling) G A I decided I'd go down to the bar C G And drown my sorrows in a beer G A But the sign outside said 'Closed For Renovations' C G 'We'll open up again next year'... G B That bar is an asshole, it's an asshole C G Oh, the worst bar in the land! G B Always closing, always closing C G Can't punch a bar, cause you'll hurt your hand (Whistling) G A I went home to forget about my troubles C G Sat down in my favorite easy chair G A But I couldn't relax for the pain I was feelin' C G As my hemorrhoid began to flair... G B My asshole's an asshole, a real butthole C G Needs to put his asshole-self in check! G B Always burning, always itching C G Made me wanna punch him in his asshole neck (Whistling) G A Late one night, lyin' awake in bed C G Mmmm, a realization came G A Are there really assholes everywhere I look? C G Or am I the one to blame? G A Maybe I just do not say the things I should say C G And I don't do the things I ought to G A So I took a good, hard look at myself in the mirror C G And this is what I thought... G B The guy who sold me this mirror is an asshole, he's an asshole C G Son of a bitch said it was antique G B He was lyin', he was lyin' C G Made me wanna punch him in his salesman cheek C G I'm on a real asshole streak C G I could open up an asshole boutique C G I think this song has reached it's peak C G Goodbye, you assholes, see you next week!