Capo 2nd fret
 [Intro:] (Dm C) x2  (Dm  F   C   Dm    C  Dm C Dm)

      Dm
I'll tell you a story that happened to me
     C
One day as I went down to Yawl by the sea
     Dm                        F          C
The sun it was bright and the day it was warm,
     Dm           C             Dm    C  Dm
Says I, "a quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm"

I went in to the barman, and says "give me a stout"
Says the barman, "I'm sorry, all the beer is sold out
Try whiskey or vodka, ten years in the wood"
Says I, "I'll try cider, I've heard that it's good."

[Chorus:]
    Dm
Oh never, oh never, oh never again
      C
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten
          Dm                       F           C
'Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
        Dm        C           Dm     C   Dm
After drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up

After lowering the third, I headed straight for the yard,
Where I bumped into Brophy, the big civic guard.
"Come here to me, boy - don't you know I'm the law?";
Well I up with my first, and I shattered his jaw!

He fell to the ground with his knees doubled up,
But it wasn't I hit him; 'twas the Johnny Jump up!
The next thing I saw, down in Cork by the Lee,
Was a cripple on crutches, and he beckoned to me.

"I'm afraid for my life - I'll be hit by a car!
Would you help me across to the Railwaymen's Bar?"
And, after three pints of that cider so sweet,
He threw down his crutches, and he danced on his feet.

Chorus

I went down the Lee Road a friend for to see.
They had him in a madhouse in Cork by the Lee.
And, when I got there - the truth I do tell -
They had the poor bugger locked up in a cell!

Says the doctor to him, "Say these words, if you can:
'Round the ragged rocks the ragged rascal ran' " -
"Tell them I'm not crazy! Tell them I'm not mad!
'Twas only six pints of that cider I had!"

Chorus

Now a man died in the Union by the name of McNabb.
They washed him and laid him outside on a slab,
And, after the coroner his measure did take,
His wife brought him home to a bloody fine wake.

'Twas about twelve o'clock, and the beer, it was high,
When the corpse, he sat up, and he said, with a sigh,