intro:

A, B


verse:

  E (022100@1)            F# (244322@1) A (x02220@1)name="chord_xx1114@1">G#   E------------------------------------------| (022100@1)------------------------------------------|
------------------------------------------|
------------------------------------------|
------------------------------------------|
-0-0-4-7-9-7-4----------------------------|


      E (022100@1)                          F#I've (244322@1)screwed alot of boilers, I've prodded loads of tarts,
A (x02220@1)             G# (xx1114@1)              EStabbed (022100@1)some open wounds and I've split them all in half
  E (022100@1)                           F#Knobbed (244322@1)a lot of women, I've stuffed a load of birds
A (x02220@1)               G# (xx1114@1)         F#Shagged (244322@1)a lot of dogs and I've pulled a load of skirt
            B (x2444x@1)                             F#And (244322@1)there's been a load of whores when I've used a bit of force,
A (x02220@1)                       G# (xx1114@1)        F#But (244322@1)they all received the benefit of sexual intercourse
         B (x2444x@1)                     F#When (244322@1)they make a lot of fuss, it makes me feel sick,
      A (x02220@1)                      BThey (x2444x@1)want a soaking gusset and a more than ample dick

Chorus:
 E (022100@1)                    A (x02220@1)    E (022100@1)                   ADoctor, (x02220@1)I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day,
  E (022100@1)                        F#I (244322@1)bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank,
        A (x02220@1)                   BThere's (x2444x@1)something up with my dick -
                  EIt (022100@1)hurts when I wank.

I've slammed a lot of crumpet, but its doing them some good,
If they don't like it, they can lump it, they've all been ugly tugs.
One bitch, she had a flat head, put up quite a fight,
But I found a gob to place my knob,
And a place to put my pint.
I always end up shagging a really smelly bag and getting down to business
When I just don't want to shag,

Chorus. x2


end
Sometimes I have to do it, lie back and think of Macc,
I'm using all this drinking time to service ugly crack.

Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day,
I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank,
There's something up with my dick -
It hurts when I wank.