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Date: Mon, 22 Apr 96 10:50:24 +0100
From: Mungo Henning 

Oldest Swinger In Town - D. O'Leary & The Bards

[Chords are a guess on my part; lyrics kindly provided by a friend
that transcribed them from listening to a tape. Corrections welcomed,
I thought folks would enjoy such an amusing song... :-)
I feel as if part of this song ought to be some sort of chorus, but the
truth defeats my memory, so heeeeeeelp please :-)
Mungo Henning]

C                                     G7    C
When you're scoring with a chick in a disco bar,
F                     C
Take her home in your hairy little car,
                  E                       Am     F
Then you find you went to school with her ma and pa,
           C                 G7
You're the oldest swinger in town.

When you won't look in the mirror in the light of day,
Swear you've dyed it when your hair turns grey,
When you zip up your trousers and your belly's in the way, 
You're the oldest swinger in town.

Here you come and there you go,
White wheels, spots, and a stereo,
But the engine is jacked and the driver is too, 
You're the oldest swinger in town.

The barber takes a little less time each week,
The kids don't understand a word you speak,
When you walk into a disco and they offer you a seat,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

You prefer a pint of shandy to Bacardi and Coke,
The sounds are too loud, there's too much smoke,
You'd like another dance, but you're afraid you'll get a stroke,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

Here you come with your chest all bare,
A little gold ingot and a lot of gold hair,
Like the disco king meets Yogi Bear, 
You're the oldest swinger in town.

When you're feeling as stiff as a skinhead's boot,
Rub on Vick's where you used to splash Brut,
And the latest punk fashion is your wedding suit, 
You're the oldest swinger in town.

When you have to go shopping for your sex appeal,
Travolta's shades and nine inch heels,
They say a man is just as old as the woman he feels,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

Here you come with your lips closed tight,
You never smile, you know it wouldn't look right,
Cause your dentures glow in ultraviolet light,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

And you look so mean,
Cause your pants is too tight,
You're the oldest swinger in town.

And it takes you all night,
To do what you used to do all night,
You're the oldest swinger in town.