Author: Sanger (Tom Hodge)


      E
Hello
                     B/D#
Welcome to my show
                        D       D9
I'm glad that you could come
      A
We're gonna have a hoot
      D          B/D# E
We're gonna have some fun

[notes ? A3 B3 D3 G3 B3 D3 ]

          E
Sit back
                             E/D#
Put your feet up and relax
                             D    D9
I hope you've had a drink or three
    A
The more you've drunk
    D           B/D# E
The better I?ll ever be

    A
And if you have a mobile phone
    Am
Please turn it off
    E
Thank you

    A
And if you have Tourette's syndrome
    Am                            E
Just do whatever it is you people do

    F#                          A
And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy
E                A     B   E
Maybe you should chuff off home
         A                    E
Cos it's only gonna get worse
A                    E
Only gonna get worse
A
Only gonna get worse
         E
From now on?????c**t

[notes ? E2 F#2 G#2 ]

A
My name is Tim
D             A
I write funny songs and sing
A                      B               E7
And if you don't think funny songs are funny
     A
Well I respect your right
   D             A
To think exactly what you like
           A                E7                A
But you're sure as shit not getting back your money


    D7M                        A        E/G#       F#m   F#m/E
And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say
       D              D7M  A     E/G#    F#m   F#m/E
That I read your publication every single day
    D7M          B?       C#7             F#m
And I agree with absolutely everything you say
                        Dmaj9                         B?/D
I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer
A              G/A            D/A   Dm/A
Writing on the subject of the arts
Dmaj9
But if you write a bad review
  B?/D
I promise you I'll come round to your house
A       G/A               D/A           Bmb5/A
And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants
         B11
I'll lay turds!
            C11
In all your plants!
            C#11
Your indoor plants!

Your potted indoor plants!

      F#
Hello
                  C#/E#
Welcome to my show
                       E9
I'm glad you all could come
     B                 E       C#/E#   F#
It's time for a little audience participation
      F#
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      E
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)
      B
Sing, "Yeah yeah yeah!"   (Yeah yeah yeah!)
      F#
Sing, "Ooo yeah!"   (Ooo yeah!)
      F#
Sing, "I am an audience member!"      (I am an audience member!)
E
"Why are you making me sing?"      (Why are you making me sing?)
B
"You self indulgent wanker!"      (You self indulgent wanker!)
      F#
"Just get on with the fucking show!"   (Just get on with the fucking show!)

......