This song is actually REALLY easy to play. Seriously. It's the same four chords over and
over again, and the chords that are being used are so simple that it's scary. I'll only
put the chords for the first few lines--only because the strum pattern and rhythm 
remains constant for the entire song, so there's no need to list it more than a few times.

CAPO 4

Am (x02210@1)F (133211@1)               C (x32010@1)             GSideburns (320003@1)on the side of my face,
          Am (x02210@1)        FAs (133211@1)my head turns,
              C (x32010@1)                                     GYou (320003@1)can see they're in the same place.
                Am (x02210@1)        FOn (133211@1)either side-burns,
        C (x32010@1)          GThey (320003@1)can't be replaced
           Am (x02210@1)      F (133211@1)          C (x32010@1)                 GMy (320003@1)insides burn, when I think of the days before my 
My sideburns, look at my sideburns
Oh! Don't touch my sideburns
Why would you do that?
My heart yearns for my own sideburns!
My side actually burns now, what is that?
What the hell man, why does my side burn?
What the hell's going on? My side burns.
Does any body have some Aloe Vera?
If you do, bring it backstage (I'll pay you back)
1985 from the womb I came out (On my birthday)
The doctor said "What you crying about?"
I said "Is that a rhetorical question?"
You know why I cried? "I have a serious lack of hair on
the side, of my head."
Little baby people don't have sideburns, they gotta
grow them when they're older
But if your little baby already has sideburns, that's
awesome! Don't be concerned!
Don't be concerned about your little bitty baby with
the big, big sideburns.
You should not be concerned about the little
itty baby baby with the big, big sideburns.
Your little baby gonna be a pimp. Your little baby
gonna be a little baby pimp.
You should probably discourage that kind of profession
because it's illegal and your baby's too young
To be concerned about starting a business,
But that's impressive if it's got the mind set.
My sideburns, look at my sideburns! Back on track
talking talking 'bout sideburns.
My sideburns look at my sideburns! La li luh luh loo
loo sidebu-u-ur-r-rns 
Sideburns .