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                                        (Spoken)
OK, so I'm riding around in this car with this woman that I'm close to a couple times a 
week. And I'm noticing she's looking out of the window and noticing other women, how 
this one looks,Isn't her hair lovely? What a nice outfit...
I said, Babe, what is the DEAL? You're noticing all these other chicks... maybe... 
you're a lesbian.
She looks at me and she says,I wish I was a lesbian.
Now, at that point I wanted to say, You mean 'you wish you were a lesbian' because, 
grammatically... But I let it slide. I didn't wanna ruffle any feathers.
But, ya know, that sentence, that retort, "I wish I was a lesbian"...kinda stuck in the 
ole Laud-o's mind. kinda gestated there for seven, eight minutes then this tune popped out...


G
G------
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero
G                                    D
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come-and-go
G                                    D
And all that awful facial hair and yucky "ma-chis-mo"
C           G--
Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero
G                           C
I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight
G                                D
I would sleep with women only; man, that would be great
G                                            D
I could throw away my diaphragm; I wouldn't wanna mate
C          G--
Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight

HEY!

G
I wish I was a lesbian; I'd like to be a dyke
G                                D
I would hang with k.d. lang; Mel Gibson, take a hike
G                                                 C
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike
C           G
Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian; I'd like to be a dyke

G                                      D
I wish I was a lesbian; that's why this song is sung
G                                 D
It shouldn't have to matter how someone is hung
G                                   C
Other things are more important...LIKE HOW TO USE YOR
C
TOUNGE...bablblblb
G
I wish I was a lesbian; that's why this song is sung
D            (etc... to the end)
HEEEEEEY!


I dare Casey Kasem to play this

I wish I was a lesbian; I know it's sad, but true
But maybe I might understand you guys and all you do
But if I was a lesbian, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO
I wish I was a lesbian; I know it's sad, but true

Hey, I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come-and-go
And all that awful facial hair and yucky "ma-chis-mo" (I hate that damned machismo!)
Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!