Am                                     Dm
Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
F                                 E
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.
    Dm                                E
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Dm                           E
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and... 
(x2)
 


            Am                                            Dm
When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes
      F          E      G          Am
Whoa, everything goes according to plan.



Am                  E                    Am
I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
            C 
Because you say so under your breath.
               E                 G     
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"



Am              Dm        F           E
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Am              Dm          F           E
Never looked better, and you can't stand it



Am                    Dm
Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and
F                                          E
I bet you just can't keep up with, (keep up) with these fashionistas, and
Am                               Dm
Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign.
F                                 E
I bet to them your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shh...



Am                     Dm
Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
         F                     E
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"
Am                        Dm                   F
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table,
             E            F     E    F         E
they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin.



Am                  E                    Am
I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
            C
Because you say so under your breath.
               E                 G
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"



Am               Dm       F          E
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Am              Dm          F           E
Never looked better, and you can't stand it
(x3)
 


          Am                      E                          C     
And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one
             F 
sizing you up.
               F         E                                  Am
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch. 
(x3)