If You Really Loved Me
Tim Minchin
Tabbed by: Patrick Cason

               Gm
If you really loved me
    D7/F#
the way you say you do
Bb/F
If you love me half as much
   C7/E
as I love you
          Cm7/Eb                  Bb
You would pluck a planet from the sky
      A                      D
You’d use a star to dot the “i”
          Gm     D7/F#
In I love you... that is what you’d do
      Bb/F
You'd take a dreary day
              C7/E
and you would paint it blue
        Cm7/Eb             Bb
If you loved me unconditionally
A
These are the things
                      D
that you would do for me

Because I need you
Like a fish needs the sea
Like a fire needs oxygen
Like a flower needs a bee
And if you really care for me
You’d let me video you while you wee

Standing up in the bath,
I shouldn’t even have to ask
Perhaps you’ll even store
a little more in a flask
These are just the things that people do
           A           D           Gm
When their love for one another is true
Ba da da

We go together
Like a cracker and Brie
Like racism and ignorance
Like bling and R&B
But if you really want to show you care
You’d let me wear your underwear
When we visit your mum's,
it's a bit of harmless fun
I just like talking about your childhood
with some lace between my buns
There’s no reason for a big to-do
If your love for one another is true
Ba da da

We go together
Like a bird in a nest
Like Internet and porn
Like guns and the US
And if you love me
like you say that you do
You'd purchase forty cockatoo
And teach them to fly
in formation in the sky
And shit the words “Tim is God”
on my ex-girlfriend’s Hyundai
Sure, it might be easier with doves
But shirking challenges is not what love

       Eb
Is all about
D                        Eb
Love is not all wine and roses
D                            Eb
Sometimes it’s handcuffs and cheese
C/E                     F
No-one said love is for free
     Am/E
And if you agree with that
               Cm/Eb
You'll sing me passages from the Koran
        D7                            Gm
wearing nothing but a Bob the Builder hat
               Dmaj#5/Gb (or... D/Gb)
To the tune of waltzing Matilda
       Dm/F                    Gm/E
I just love the combination of Islam,
               Eb/F   F    E
nationalism and buil--der



--*SOLO*-- (Best of luck...)

(Builder)
(Islam)
(Nationalism)
(And a little bitty builder)
(Islam)
(Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy)
(And Bob the fucking Builder)
... (Let Bob the fucking Builder!)



          Am
Because I need you
       E7/Ab
Like a tick needs a tock
     C/G
Like bananas need pyjamas
       D7/F#
Like a nun needs cock
           Dm7/F                        C
But if you want to put your love for me first
    B                        E
You wouldn’t go through childbirth
               Am
You’d agree to adopt
        E7/Ab
so that you could stay thin
            C/G
We’ll get a Chinese kid,
         D7/F#
it could teach us Mandarin
    Dm7/F                         C
And communists don’t make as much noise
            B
And they’re really good
   E             Am     G
at sharing their toys

          Cm
Because I dig you
        G/B
Like an Aussie digs pies
     Eb
Like Born-Agains dig Jesus
     F7/A
Like Jesus dug guys
           Fm7/Ab              G
And if you love me unconditionally
      D                    G
You’d do my tax return for me
                Cm
Cos it’s way overdue,
    G/B
and I just don’t know,
  Eb
I guess I’m self-employed
         F7/A
but do I still pay as I go?
              Fm7/Ab            G
And does the threshold apply to me?
             C               G
And should I register for GST?
           C                  G
And if you love me unconditionally
          A          D                 Gm
Would you let me video you while you wee?
                                                 C
Assuming there's nothing worth watching on the ABC