Note: this is not mine, I found it on an internet forum , if you tabbed it a) thanks b) sorry c) your an idiot to post it on a forum and not expect it to be shared about a bit. Thanks! ( A5 ) E5 Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy F#5 E5 isn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta A5 appreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book E5 F#5 E5 a chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water. A5 And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying ( E5 ) I'd like to be here every week if that's OK. Fo7(or E7b9/F) And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way F#5 E5 D5 in which we could do it pretty easily. E5 You can leave all the boring details to me. A5 * E5 * F#5 * It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept. A5 * E5 * E5 No one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet. Picture this - imagine if we had ( A5 ) E5 F#5 E5 D5 five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea. A5 E5 Why settle for a quartet of queers D5 E5 When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here? ( A5 ) E5 F#5 E5 D5 Five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace: A5 E5 D5 A5 a hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays. Pickup: E5 F#5 Ab5 ( A5 ) I know, I know, I've seen the problem too. ( E5 ) There's a rumour I am straight, it's true. ( D5 ) D5 It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent D5 as Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent. ( A5 ) But I've already thought it through. ( E5 ) D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do D5 sexuality conversions. I've heard them assert D5 they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt. E5 Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have - ( A5 ) E5 F#5 E5 D5 five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution A5 E5 and probably the best solution D5 E5 to the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals. Pickup: E5 F#5 Ab5 ( A5 ) Yes I know your producers might suspect ( E5 ) that the licence-paying public will object ( D5 ) D5 to the Corporation having yet D5 another homosexual to pay. ( A5 ) The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out. ( E5 ) Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth, ( D5 ) writing further brilliant stuff about ( D5 ) E5 the myth about being both happy and gay. F#5 F#5 F#5 But all that moral indignation D5 A5 will disappear when they see D5 A5 those four lovely guys and me B5 E5 singing in perfect harmony. F#5 And all those angry letter writers, D5 like 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight F#5 and 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds E5 E5 F?7 and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed, F#5 E5 D5 will instantly change their tune. A5 E5 They'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon. D5 They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption E5 E5 F?7 in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em. F5 They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars, G5 E5 (Bass line - A5 E5 F5 E5 G5 A5 ) and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides. And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys G (picks up on the G in the bass line) Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4, ( C5 ) G5 A5 G5 F5 5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand. C5 G5 F5 C5 You can never have too many pianos or too much man. ( C5 ) G5 A5 F5 5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum. G5 F5 C5 Make it a trio of pianos and a big gay half dozen.