Dsus2 = X00230 
Cadd9 = X32030 
 
E5  D5  C5 played during spoken part/ 
 

Yon:    Rural Queensland, 1880. Constable Ned Kelly dons his armour and becomes the  

        founding member of the Victorian Police Bomb Squad, pre-dating actual bombs  

        by about 30 years. But history, it seems, would lead you to believe another  

        story. For Constable Ned Kelly made one fatal P.R. error...   
         

        E5          D5                  E5 
Tripod: History was not always as it appeared,   
        E5              D5                       G5  D5 
        If you knew the truth about people with beards.   
        E5         D5                     E5 
        Ned wore a helmet to hide his disgrace,   
        G5           A5 
        To hide his hairy face!   
      B5                                E5      G5 
Scod:   And fifty years have passed and nothing changed,   
      B5                          D5        G5 
        One tiny moustache ruined Stalin's name.   
      B5                                      E5          G5 
Tripod: Poor Chopper Reid's name gets dragged through the mire,   
      B5                         G5         F#5 
        But beardless people get away scot-free,   
             G5       F#5 
        Like Eddie McGuire.   
         

      E5            D5                  E5 
        History was not always as it appeared,   
      E5                D5                       G5  D5 
        If you knew the truth about people with beards.   
      E5         D5                     E5 
        Having a beard left a terrible mark,   
      G5          A5 
        On Peter Russell-Clarke.   
       

      B5                                E5             G5 
Scod:   King Arthur'd still be drinking from his magic cup,   
      B5                                 D5     G5 
        Why do you think they strung old Jesus up?   
      B5                             E5            G5 
        The Vikings were basically a charity organisation,   
      B5                            G5     F#5     
        Rasputin had some brilliant party tricks,   
                G5            F#5 
Tripod: And the Huns... were fun...   
       

        B5                         E5 
Yon:    Wil Anderson finally had enough,   
      A5                                    D5 
        When he caved in and shaved off his Jazz Tuft,   

Scod:   Jazz Tuft?   

Yon:    That's what it's called.   
      B5                                         E5 
Yon:    There's only one instance when it was revered,   
      D5                                      E5 
        Was when Nicole Kidman herself was a beard!   
       

        E5          D5                  E5 
Tripod: History was not always as it appeared,   
        E5              D5                       G5  D5 
        If you knew the truth about people with beards.   
        E5            D5                       E5 
        Burn all your books, both new and dog-eared,   

        (The line gets stuffed up)   

Scod:   Aww... so close!   
        G5             A5  
Tripod: And let's all grow a beard!   

Yon:    Or moustache.   
        G5             A5 
G & S:  And let's all grow a beard!   

Yon:    Or Van Dyke. But not Dick Van Dyke, you know what I mean.   
        G5             A5         E5 
G & S:  And let's all grow a beard!   
       
Yon:    Or Jazz Tuft.