A              E
As Martin said to Xanthe
          E7                A
As they played with wooden toys,
                          E
"You may have Wendy's playhouse,
     E7                    A
But where the hell's your boys?"

    A
As Paul said to Fifi
         E
As they eyed each other up,
     E7
"You may have better plimsolls,
          A
But you can't pee standing up."

      D         A                D
An I'd like to take the time to bite
                E
Their neck and make it bleed
D                 A
Or maybe I could cut holes in their
  D            E7
Daddy Harris Tweed.

    A                     E
And I can't put my finger on it.
E7                           A
Maybe it's something in the food,
                          E
And I can't put my finger on it
E7                               A
All I know is Christ would have sued.

                    E
As Sharon said to Jamie
        E7              A
As they sat down for a chat,
                            E
"If you think I'm cooking dinner,
         E7                A
Well, prepare to eat dead rat."

     A
As Debbie said to Alex
         E
As they held hands in the park
      E7
"How come you wear Rupert Check
      A
When you think you're so hard."
 D                      A
I should have done his Land Rover
D            E
To let them know I've been,
D           A
Instead I wrote "F' off"
        D                E7
On the dirt across his screen.

    A                     E
And I can't put my finger on it.
E7                           A
Maybe it's something in the food,
                          E
And I can't put my finger on it
E7                               A
All I know is Christ would have sued.