Billy Conoly ? D.I.V.O.R.C.E

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Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid.

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But when you mention the V.E.T. he damn near flips his lid.

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Words like S.H.O.T. shot or W.O.R.M. worm,

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These are words which make him S.Q.U.I.R.M. squirm.


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His Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today,

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Coz he bit the V.E.T. and then he ran away.

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He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me.

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And that's why I am gonna get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.


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She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L.E.G.

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She sank her teeth in my B.U.M. and called me an effin C.

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Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O.F.F.-ski

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And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B.I.R.D.


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Oh yes his Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today.

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Both my wife and my wee scabby dog will soon be hauled away.

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That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear.

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Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.

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Oh, I must admit my dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.