Gatesy: Okay, there was Footloose, Pauline Hanson in gaol, alpacas, pickles,
T-shirts with stupid phrases on them...
Scod: Specifically, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me".
Gatesy: Yeah, that's the one. And it's sort of a Beach Boys thing... more
from the "pet sounds" era...
Yon: Less than the "surf's up"... well, I dunno, "surf's up" is later...
let's not get bogged down in Beach Boys history.
Gatesy: And there's a little bit of Beastie Boys in there too.
G5 G5 A5 E5
Tripod: If it is true that there's just six degrees of near,
F5 C5 D5
Why am I so lonely?
G5 A5 E5
I drift from town to town nomadically.
F5 C5 D5
Gatesy: Nobody wants me, 'cause fame is so fickle,
F5 C5
If this town's a burger,
D5 (let ring)
Tripod: Then I am the pickle.
Scod: It's about Kevin Bacon, by the way.
D5 G5
Yon: 'Cause I get thrown out of the town,
G & S: Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
D5 G5
Yon: Like the burger, you know, sliding down the... I'll leave that.
G & S: Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
C5 D5
Tripod: Such a shame that I got arrested,
G5 G5
Gatesy: For wearing an obscene T-shirt.
C5 D5
All it said was, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me",
G5 G5
It's just 'cause my name is...
C5 D5
Tripod: ... Kevin Baco___n,
E5 C5
Kevin Baco____n.
C5 D5 G5
It's a joke I'm maki_______n'...
Gatesy: Bacon - pork... get it?
G5 A5 E5
Tripod: But they didn't get it and I'm sittin' here in gaol,
F5 C5 D5
Doin' the hand-spider movement.
Yon: People who weren't at this gig will never get this joke... get over it.
G5 A5 E5
Tripod: I had to bunk up with a former politician,
F5 C5 D5
Gatesy: I use that term rather liberally.
F5 C5 D5
Then Pauline busted some rhymes for me.
Gatesy: (Rapping) You feelin' like you failed,
Now ya sittin' in gaol,
The only thing you have for a toilet is a pail.
But Kevin, stop dancin'
And listen to me, I'm Pauline Hanson,
I'll get ya out of here, gotta listen to my plan, son.
Yon: (Normally) Okay, so now she starts talking. Okay, so what there is is, right...
Gatesy: Why have you stopped bustin' out the rhymes, man?
Yon: 'Cause there's a lot of information in this next bit and I think it'll be a
bit clearer if I...
Gatesy: Okay, before you tell me that, can I just do another chorus?
Yon: Yeah.
C5 D5
Tripod: Kevin Bacon,
E5 C5
Kevin Bacon.
C5 D5 G5
It's a joke I'm makin'...
Gatesy: Get it?
Yon: No, no, I don't get it. Are you making fun of me?
Gatesy: No, no, I'm not making fun of you, Pauline.
Yon: 'Cause... 'cause I know what xenophobia is - it's making fun of the Chinese.
Gatesy: No!
Pauline... Pauline, tell me about that plan.
Yon: Oh, yeah...
Gatesy: About escaping, yeah?
Yon: Yeah. Okay, so there's an alpaca, right? You know, you probably see him
around - the gaol alpaca.
Gatesy: Oh, the gaol alpaca!
Yon: And I reckon if you can get him up to about 70 miles per hour, I reckon
you can clear that fence.
You know, Steve McQueen-like.
Gatesy: Cool. Fantastic.
Yon: That's basically it.
G5 A5 E5
Tripod: So I jumped on the thing that looked just like a camel,
F5 C5 D5
Mixed with a deer or a pony.
G5 A5 E5
I rode off into the sunset with my alpaca,
F5 C5 D5
I was no longer alone-y.
D5 G5
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
D5 G5
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
C5 D5
It's such a shame that I got arrested,
G5 E5
For wearing an obscene T-shirt.
E5 D5
All it said was, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me",
G5
Gatesy: It's just 'cause my name is...
C5 D5
Tripod: ... Kevin Bacon,
E5 C5
I'm not fakin',
C5 D5
Gatesy: I'm making a statemen',
G5 G5 G5 G5 C5 C5 G5
I'm Kevin Bacon!
