This is exactly how Hank plays it. It's pretty simple.

Intro: C G C G C
Verse 1:
          C (x32010@1)                    GThere's (320003@1)a place where you don't wanna be
       C (x32010@1)        GWhere (320003@1)people die constantly
          C (x32010@1)          GAnd (320003@1)they never die in normal ways
         C (x32010@1)           GIt's (320003@1)preposterous but still cliche

Bridge 1:
          C (x32010@1)                            GWhen (320003@1)your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel
      C (x32010@1)                        NC
By chopping off her head with a scythe in a pool
        DWell (xx0232@1)they're not saying it makes sense
        EThey're (022100@1)just interpreting the evidence

Chorus:
             C (x32010@1)             GThis (320003@1)is the plot to every television crime show
C (x32010@1)                  C (x32010@1)                              G (320003@1)From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C (x32010@1)                G (320003@1)The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C (x32010@1)                     NC
 Will come back because you know he did it
C (x32010@1)                             GI (320003@1)don't think they're trying anymore
                 CAnd (x32010@1)I'm getting bored

Verse 2:
C (x32010@1)                      GThere (320003@1)was semen all over the crime scene
           C (x32010@1)                    GSo (320003@1)they use the super-fancy semen testing machine
        C (x32010@1)           GAnd (320003@1)the DNA database gets a hit
        C (x32010@1)                      GBut (320003@1)it looks like he might still get away with it

Bridge 2:
         C (x32010@1)             GBut (320003@1)the final piece of evidence
C (x32010@1)                 CTotally (x32010@1)stumps the bad guy's defense
    DAnd (xx0232@1)he breaks down in front of everyone
    EAnd (022100@1)tells them exactly how it was done

Chorus:
             C (x32010@1)             GThis (320003@1)is the plot to every television crime show
C (x32010@1)                  C (x32010@1)                              G (320003@1)From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C (x32010@1)                G (320003@1)The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C (x32010@1)                     NC
 Will come back because you know he did it
C (x32010@1)                             GI (320003@1)don't think they're trying anymore
                 CAnd (x32010@1)I'm getting bored

Interlude: C

Verse 3:
        C (x32010@1)         GBy (320003@1)the middle of the first season
C (x32010@1)                     GMurder (320003@1)is eclipsed by sexual tension
        C (x32010@1)                   GAnd (320003@1)I guess that probably happens a lot
        C (x32010@1)                       GSince (320003@1)crime-solving people are always so hot

Bridge 3:
           C (x32010@1)             GBut (320003@1)then a serial killer kidnaps the girl
           C (x32010@1)                       CAnd (x32010@1)they promise to save her if it costs them the world
           DAnd (xx0232@1)they find her two seconds before she dies
           EAnd (022100@1)they hug and they laugh and they screw and they cry

Chorus:
             C (x32010@1)             GThis (320003@1)is the plot to every television crime show
C (x32010@1)                  C (x32010@1)                              G (320003@1)From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C (x32010@1)                G (320003@1)The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C (x32010@1)                     NC
 Will come back because you know he did it
C (x32010@1)                             GI (320003@1)don't think they're trying anymore
                 CAnd (x32010@1)I'm getting bored
*End on C*

That was a one-taker... take one-r... one... one-i-fier...
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