Intro: C5 G5 C5 G5 C5
Verse 1:
          C5                      G5
There's a place where you don't wanna be
       C5          G5
Where people die constantly
          C5            G5
And they never die in normal ways
         C5             G5
It's preposterous but still cliche

Bridge 1:
          C5                              G5
When your drug dealer's aunt kills your mom in a duel
      C5                               NC5
By chopping off her head with a scythe in a pool
        D5
Well they're not saying it makes sense
        E5
They're just interpreting the evidence

Chorus:
             C5               G5
This is the plot to every television crime show
C5                    C5                                G5
 From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C5                  G5      
The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C5                       NC5
 Will come back because you know he did it
C5                               G5
I don't think they're trying anymore
                 C5
And I'm getting bored

Verse 2:
C5                        G5
There was semen all over the crime scene
           C5                      G5
So they use the super-fancy semen testing machine
        C5             G5
And the DNA database gets a hit
        C5                        G5
But it looks like he might still get away with it

Bridge 2:
         C5               G5
But the final piece of evidence
C5                   C5
Totally stumps the bad guy's defense
    D5
And he breaks down in front of everyone
    E5
And tells them exactly how it was done

Chorus:
             C5               G5
This is the plot to every television crime show
C5                    C5                                G5
 From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C5                  G5      
The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C5                       NC5
 Will come back because you know he did it
C5                               G5
I don't think they're trying anymore
                 C5
And I'm getting bored

Interlude: C5

Verse 3:
        C5           G5
By the middle of the first season
C5                       G5
Murder is eclipsed by sexual tension
        C5                     G5
And I guess that probably happens a lot
        C5                         G5
Since crime-solving people are always so hot

Bridge 3:
           C5               G5
But then a serial killer kidnaps the girl
           C5                         C5
And they promise to save her if it costs them the world
           D5
And they find her two seconds before she dies
           E5
And they hug and they laugh and they screw and they cry

Chorus:
             C5               G5
This is the plot to every television crime show
C5                    C5                                G5
 From CSI to Columbo and I think you know what's in store
    C5                  G5      
The guy we met in the first fifteen minutes
C5                       NC5
 Will come back because you know he did it
C5                               G5
I don't think they're trying anymore
                 C5
And I'm getting bored
*End on C*