Verse 1
D5 G5
Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother fucker
D5 E5 A5
He was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty wives
D5 G5
He didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseball
D5 G5 D5 A5
He put two and two together and he noticed it was four
D5 G5 D5 A5
Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymore
D5 G5 A5 D5 A(break)
And he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Verse 2
D5 G5
Fellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black Sox
D5 E5 A5
And he always wore his black socks, but he never wore no shoes
D5 G5
He weren't the nicest fellow and he had a couple problems
D5 G5 D5 A5
Cause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always acted rude
D5 G5 D5 A5
He killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitude
D5 G5 A5 D5 A(break)
And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Bridge 1
B5
Mafia said Shoeless Joe
F#5
You should really run this show
D5
You should be the guy who owns baseball
B5
And all you really gotta do
F#5
Is help us make a buck or two
D5 G5 A5
We'll bet on the other team
D5 G5 A5
You'll lose the game but make it seem
D5 G5 A5
Like nothing could be further from the truth
Verse 3
D5 G5
Shoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly balls
D5 E5 A5
And he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the eye
D5 G5
And in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly beaten
D5 G5 D5 A5
There was someone who was watching from his blimp above the stands
D5 G5 D5 A5
Cradling a rifle in his thick and meaty hands
D5 G5 A5 D5 A(break)
And as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Bridge 2
B5
Kenesaw said drop that glove
F#5
Or I swear by God above
D5
I'll make you regret playing baseball
B5
Shoeless Joe looked up and saw
F#5
The silver rifle's gaping maw
D5 G5 A5
Though no one had noticed yet
D5 G5 A5
His underwear was getting wet
D5 G5 A5
He peed himself in front of everyone
Slow Verse
D5 G5
Shoeless Joe was finished but he couldn't quite admit it
D5 E5 A5
So he raised his middle finger up above the other four
D5 G5
Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bullet
D5 G5 D5 A5
And he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his trusty gun
D5 G5 D5 A5
And everybody in the stands knew that he had won
D5 G5 A5 D5
And today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Final Verse
D5 G5
Shoeless Joe left baseball and became a famous pop star
D5 E5 A5 D5
And he asked the musical question is she really going out with him
G5
He had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80's
D5 G5 D5 A5
But he never won a Grammy and he never was the same
D5 G5 D5 A5
And he never could be satisfied with critical acclaim
D5 G5 A5 D5 A5
Cause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello
D5 G5 A5 D5
Yes the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello
