C
Ten days in Bali, got four days to go ten days of terror cos im glued to the throne,
       F                      C           Am         D                 G7
And im shittin' in litres and firin' both ends, i'll never shit solid again.

C
And its cost me a fortune for this holiday, stead of pissin' it up,

christ, im shittin' it away.

         F                         C             Am           D          G7     C
cause im glued to the loo while my mates are out raving, i'll never shit solid again.


     F                 C             G7                   C
I'll never shit solid again, or hold anything down for as long as i live,
         F                        C         Am          D          G7     C
cause me arse is jammed open from freckle fatigue, i'll never shit solid again.


C
I called mum back home, she said mix up a cup of cornflour and gravox to

thicken it up,

         F                           C           Am          D                 G7
then she pissed her self laughin and hung up the phone, i'll never shit solid again.


C
Just had a crap and im wiping me ring, havent quite finished, start spewin' again,
       F                  C             Am         D          G7     C
Jesus, hope i remember to use the right hand, i'll never shit solid again.

     F                 C             G7                 C
i'll never shit solid again, so i'll rig up a faucet to stick up me ring,
   F                        C           Am          D          G7     C
at least when i fart i wont splatter me jeans, i'll never shit solid again.

C
I'm doin' cartwheels as i try to guess, a crap or a chunder christ whats comin' next,
        F                           C           Am        D                 G7
will it spray through me fingers or run down me leg, i'll never shit solid again.

C
slipped on some shit a foot thick on the floor, skidded arse over tit,

then i spewed a bit more,

      F                              C            Am       D          G7     C
Now i gotta sift through it cause me denture fell in, i'll never shit solid again.

     F                 C        G7                       C
I'll never shit solid again, me rings hanging out and me guts have caved in,
        F                         C              Am
i'll be buried in a bucket and me mates will all sing.....................

         D          G7     C
  "He'll never shit solid again"