Note: this is not mine, I found it on an internet forum , if you tabbed it a) thanks b)
sorry c) your an idiot to post it on a forum and not expect it to be shared about a bit. Thanks!
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Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy
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isn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta
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appreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book
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a chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water.
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And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
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I'd like to be here every week if that's OK.
Fo7(or E7b9/F)
And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way
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in which we could do it pretty easily.
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You can leave all the boring details to me.
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It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept.
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No one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet.
Picture this - imagine if we had
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five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea.
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Why settle for a quartet of queers
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When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here?
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Five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace:
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a hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays.
Pickup: E5 F#5 Ab5
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I know, I know, I've seen the problem too.
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There's a rumour I am straight, it's true.
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It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent
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as Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent.
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But I've already thought it through.
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D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
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sexuality conversions. I've heard them assert
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they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt.
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Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have -
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five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution
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and probably the best solution
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to the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals.
Pickup: E5 F#5 Ab5
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Yes I know your producers might suspect
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that the licence-paying public will object
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to the Corporation having yet
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another homosexual to pay.
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The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out.
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Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth,
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writing further brilliant stuff about
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the myth about being both happy and gay.
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But all that moral indignation
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will disappear when they see
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those four lovely guys and me
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singing in perfect harmony.
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And all those angry letter writers,
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like 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight
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and 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds
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and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed,
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will instantly change their tune.
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They'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon.
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They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
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in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em.
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They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars,
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and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides.
And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
G (picks up on the G in the bass line)
Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4,
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5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand.
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You can never have too many pianos or too much man.
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5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum.
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Make it a trio of pianos and a big gay half dozen.
