Intro:
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[Mrs. VanDort]
It's a beautiful day.
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[Mr. VanDort]
It's a rather nice day.
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[Mrs. VanDort]
A day for a glorious wedding.
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[Mr. VanDort]
A rehearsal, my dear, to be perfectly clear.
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[Mrs. VanDort]
A rehearsal for a glorious wedding.
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[Mr. VanDort]
Assuming nothing happens that we don't really know,
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[Mrs. VanDort]
That nothing unexpected interferes with the show.
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[Mr. And Mrs. VanDort]
And that's why everything, every last little thing,
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every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
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[Mrs. VanDort]
According to plan,
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[Mr. VanDort]
Our son will be married.
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[Mrs. VanDort]
According to plan,
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[Mr. VanDort]
Our family carried,
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[Mr. And Mrs. VanDort]
We'll go right into the heights of society...
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[Mrs. VanDort]
To the costume balls,
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[Mr. VanDort]
In the hallowed halls.
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[Mrs. VanDort]
Rubbing elbows with the finest.
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[Mr. VanDort]
Having crumpets with her highness.
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[Mr. And Mrs. VanDort]
We'll be there, we'll be seen, having tea with the queen.
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We'll forget everything...that we've ever ever been.
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[Mrs. Everglot]
It's a terrible day
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[Mr. Everglot]
Now don't be that way
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[Mrs. Everglot]
It's a terrible day for a wedding.
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[Mr. Everglot]
It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in,
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[Mrs. Everglot]
That has led to this ominous wedding.
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[Mr. Everglot]
How could our family have come to this?
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
To marry off our daughter to the noveaux rich.
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[Mrs. Everglot]
They're so common,
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[Mr. Everglot]
So coarse.
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[Mrs. Everglot]
Oh, it couldn't be worse!
[Mr. Everglot]
It couldn't be worse? I'm afraid I disagree.
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It could be land rich bankrupt aristocracy,
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without a penny to their name...just like you...and me.
[Mrs. Everglot]
Oh, dear.
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
And that's why everything, every last little thing,
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every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
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[Mrs. Everglot]
According to plan,
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[Mr. Everglot]
Our daughter will wed.
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[Mrs. Everglot]
According to plan,
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[Mr. Everglot]
Our family lead,
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
From the depths of deepest poverty,
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[Mrs. Everglot]
To the noble realm ,
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[Mr. Everglot]
Of our ancestors.
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
And who'd have guessed in a million years that our daughter, with the face
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[Mr. Everglot]
of an otter in disgrace,
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
Would provide our ticket to our rightful place?
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[Victoria (speaking)]
What if Victor and I don't...like each other?
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[Mrs. Everglot (speaking)]
Do you suppose your father and I like each other?
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[Victoria (speaking)]
Surely you must...a little...
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot (speaking)]
Of course not!
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[Mrs. Everglot (speaking)]
Get those corsets laced properly...I can hear you speak without gasping.
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Marriage is a partnership. A little tit for tat.
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You'd think a lifetime watching us (singing) might have taught her that.
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Might have taught her that.
[Mr. Everglot]
Everything must be perfect
[Mrs. Everglot]
Everything must be perfect
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[Mr. and Mrs. Everglot]
Everything must be perfect, perfect,
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[The VanDorts and the Everglots]
That's why everything, every last little thing,
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every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...According to plan!
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