Note: this is not mine, I found it on an internet forum, if you tabbed it a) thanks b) 
sorry c) your an idiot to post it on a forum and not expect it to be shared about a bit. Thanks!

(A)                                          E/G#
Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy
                            F#m           E
isn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta
appreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book
  E/G#                                                         F#m     
a chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water.

And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
I'd like to be here every week if that's OK.
                              Fo7(or E7b9/F)
And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way
         F#m            E          D
in which we could do it pretty easily.
You can leave all the boring details to me.
       A6*               Eadd2/A*       F#m/A*
It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept.
A6*                   Eadd2/A*                   E/B
No one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet.

Picture this - imagine if we had

(A)            E/G#       F#m            E       D
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea.
    A                       E/G#
Why settle for a quartet of queers
               D/F#             E
When there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here?
(A)            E/G#       F#m     E        D
Five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace:
  A                       E/G#                   D         A
a hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays.

Pickup: E F# Ab
I know, I know, I've seen the problem too.
There's a rumour I am straight, it's true.
(D/A)                                  Dm
It hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent
as Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent.
But I've already thought it through.
D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
sexuality conversions. I've heard them assert
they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt.
Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have -

(A)            E/G#       F#m            E   D
five poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution
    A                   E/G#
and probably the best solution
                      D                         E
to the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals.

Pickup: E F# Ab
Yes I know your producers might suspect
that the licence-paying public will object
(D/A)                     D
to the Corporation having yet
another homosexual to pay.
The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out.
Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth,
writing further brilliant stuff about
(Dm)                                 E
the myth about being both happy and gay.

    F#m            F#m/A F#m/C#
But all that moral indignation
     D/F#                   A/E
will disappear when they see
      D                    A
those four lovely guys and me
Bm                    E
singing in perfect harmony.

And all those angry letter writers,
like 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight
and 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds
     E                      E7         Fo7
and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed,
     F#m       E            D
will instantly change their tune.
           A                          E
They'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon.
They'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
       E                       E7           Fo7
in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em.

They'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars,
    G                    E                     (Bass line - A 
E F E G A)
and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides.
And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
                            G (picks up on the G in the bass line)
Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4,

(C)         G/B      Am      G        F
5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand.
        C                   G/B       F        C
You can never have too many pianos or too much man.
(C)         G/B        Am                       F
5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum.
G                              F            C
Make it a trio of pianos and a big gay half dozen.
Show more