Bb                          F
Dragging my guitar 'round maternity ward
      Bb                 F
I was in search of the umbilical chord  
           Bb               F
But it was all in vain so I jumped on a train
           Bb                  F
And when I reached my home the kids were on the patio
Bb                        F
Looking quite upset, so I asked them what was wrong
         Ab                        Db                            Ab
And they said "beware - there's an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house
             Db                            Ab
In there, an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house, some man
    Db                            Ab
Who introduced himself as Stanley Rous came in
             Db                            Bb       F
And left his Albert Hammond bootleg in the house".
Bb                       F
Talking to a girl on the south coast of France
        Bb                F
She was on an 18-30 but I still took a chance
    Bb                           F
But on the last night 'neath the stars of Marseilles
    Bb                         F
She said that Robin Askwith was funny.
Ab      Db                           Ab
Oh God, how I longed for a dangerous wave
           Db                           Ab
So I could surf myself towards an early grave
        Db                              Ab
I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you
  Db                               Bb   F
I hope your plane back home's a DC 10.
Ab      Db                           Ab
Oh God, how I longed for a dangerous wave
           Db                           Ab
So I could surf myself towards an early grave
        Db                              Ab
I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you
  Db                               Ab
I hope your plane back home's a DC 10.
            Db              Ab
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
            Db              Ab
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
            Db              Ab
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
            Db         Ab Db Ab Db
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh really.
Db              Ab      Db           Ab
Out of pure curiosity I dug up Logie Baird
      Db                       Ab             Db               Ab
And I asked him what Petrified Forests see to make them all so scared.