(intros just the same chords for the verses: D, G, A) D The A is for my authority G Which many players seem to question, A Thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind D B is for babies G Which a lot of managers cry like A After a decision has not gone their way D G C is for the continual criticism I recieve from the touchline A Get back in your technical area! D D is for the dunderheads G Who seem to think we have a conspiracy A Against their particular team D E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground G After I've booked the home teams player A And it's obvious to everyone that he deserved it D F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there G The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week A And reckoned he should have had a throw in D H is for handball G Which has to be intentional and very rarely is A If only people would study the rules more D I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender G After they've just scythed down that tricky winger A J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley D And some of the narky blerts ive encountered G K is for the kissing of the badge A How ridiculous that looks 6 months later when they're at another club D G L is for lip reading, at which you don't need to be an expert A To see how odious some people are D M is for the mistakes we sometimes make G A Surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal D G The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game A Asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle D An afternoon with your wife mate D The O is for offside G A Which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been D The P is for the penalty shootout G A Great drama and no pressure on me D Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have G With some of the more fiery participants A I usually choose the word 'pleat' D R is for running backwards G A A difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate D G S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort A To a player whos just been awarded a free kick (mute the strings and strum ) Sorry i got all that wrong the S again D Okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent G By a player whos been awarded a free kick A He himself is more in danger of getting one for that D T is for the 21 man brawl G A Whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving D U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish I'd been instead G A You never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat D G The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse A Some good bird noises there by the way D W is for walter pidgeon G Whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley' A I may have started to sound like during this song D 'where was the light i thought to see in your eye' G A He says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall D The X G The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy A potugese center half Whom i just dismissed D The Y is for Yate G A The kind of town referees come from D And the Z G A Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff Even Zondervan D But is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work G Without this zest for the game we wouldn't become refs A And without refs, well zero D See also Zatopek, Zeus G And Zeal Monachorum D I have a caravan there G Static naturally A D etc... (Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun) contiune the "D G A" until the end (although, if your like me when it comes to the end you just press play and start it all again)
